Moving On

I mourned for my friends child

2006-11-09T19:24:00.000-05:00

I Mourned In literature, there is a skill to naming characters. One writer says “The first step in naming your characters is to know them. Names make impressions. That's why you should think long and hard over them. You want your readers to remember your characters' names long after they've finished reading the book. But before you can name your characters, you must know them inside and

Chai Lifeline Speech

2006-10-22T21:01:00.000-04:00

Chai Lifeline SpeechI had the unfortunate experience of becoming acquainted with Chai Lifeline some 7 or 8 years ago. At that time, our child was diagnosed on a routine checkup with having a rare illness. It is now 8 years later and my definition as a person has become that of a bereaved parent of 2 years and counting. We need to express our hakaras haTov and proclaim "Baruch Hashem" for Chai

Memories of a classmate #3

2006-09-13T00:33:00.000-04:00

Nechama Liba,A”H was a very beloved friend of mine! Shewas a kind and cheerful girl who never complained, no matter what happened. If it was gym or recess that she couldn’t go to, or her lunch that was left at home, you never heard a single complaint come out of her mouth. Everything was done with a smile; she was a true tzadekes. May everyone learn and grow up to be a tzadekes just like she

Zikaron Siyum year2

2006-09-04T22:59:00.000-04:00

We just finished learning Mishnayos in Masechta Tannis, the tractate of fasting. When learning, it is important to discover the essence of a Masechta. In this regard, Masechta Taanis is somewhat of a challenge. Despite, the fact that we fast 4 times per year, the spontaneous fasting, which is discussed at length, is something that we rarely see. Rain which was once a critical source of livelihood

In Memory of a classmate #2

2006-07-19T00:23:00.000-04:00

Nechama Liba A”H had a heart of gold- always caring about others. She respected her elders along with her classmates. When you were upset and sad, you could depend on her smile to cheer you up. Nechama never complained and was always ready to help whether it was sharing her notes or studying for a test. If ever a classmate was sick Nechama was the first to call to see how she was feeling.

A Mother Writes of Her Loss

2006-07-05T11:22:00.000-04:00

Malka Roth died at the age of fifteen in a terrorist attack in the Sbarro restaurant, Jerusalem, on August 9, 2001 (Menachem Av 20, 5761). Her mother wirties about her daughter and about her loss.A Mother Writes of Her LossHer parents have created a foundation to honour Malka's memory.Nechama Liba's Yartzheit is Menachem Av 18.

Poem in memory of a student

2006-06-25T22:35:00.000-04:00

How shall I start? Where shall I begin?When there are so many emotions,Churning within.Reminiscing about the past,I cry tear after tear.With an aching heart,I cry about Nechama Liba, so dear.Many times we wonder,And many times we sigh.Sometimes we think,How much more must we cry?But when we cry about Nechama Liba, We also smile about the past.The royal memories…They will forever last.Refined,

Be a Fool

2006-06-18T23:13:00.000-04:00

His hair was unkempt; he face was badly in need of a shave. His clothes did not match and his shoes were untied.This was a man who had neither time nor concern for the mundane. His eyes were bloodshot and dark circles enveloped his eyes.Yet his eyes spoke volumes. They spoke volumes about where he had been, and even more about what he was going through.His child was in a Pediatric Intensive Care

In memory of a student #2

2006-06-13T20:33:00.000-04:00

Although you were only a tender young student when I taught you, in reality, you were the teacher.You were a role model to everyone who came in contact with you. You taught us how to accept without complaint. You taught us how to fight with fortitude and purity. You taught us that heroes can be young and noble. You taught us about hope and with your positive spirit, you permeated an aura of

Nechama, Where are you?

2006-06-05T23:08:00.000-04:00

The clock turns 2:34am. The chilly wind slams against the window pane. Nechama, Where are you? It is late and you are not home. You are not even eleven years old. You should be home with your parents and your family. My eyes are tired from waiting up. Mommy and I are sick and worried about you. I want to go to sleep but I don’t know where you are. Is it fair that your sister should have to go to

In Memory of a Student

2006-05-31T00:23:00.000-04:00

Nechama Liba Holman , A”HHow was a young child able, in her youthful life, to accept suffering and uncertainty so well? Nechama was 5 years old when she knew she that she was having a tremendous problem, that she needed an emergency bag with her at all times, and that with every breath going in and out she was thankful, because she did not know where she would be tomorrow. But at that age she

In Memory Of a classmate

2006-05-21T13:33:00.000-04:00

Bnos Bais Yaacov is the school where Nechama Liba attended. She passed away before the school opened its new building, but the Simcha hall is named after Nechama Liba. Ateres Nechama Liba is a befitting memorial for Nechama who was so full of life and happiness. A beautiful plaque is being prepared that will situated on the wall right outside the Simcha Hall. The plaque will contain 2 poems

Shiva - What to say

2006-05-17T11:04:00.000-04:00

Someone is putting together a book on the Shiva experience and I thought I would add a thought or 2.Please don't ask me if there was anything else that I could have done but didn'tOn more than one occasion during Shiva,I was asked “Wasn’t there something else that you could have done?"What kind of response are they looking for? "Yes there was but we were sick and tired of trying new things. We

Saved from Disappointment.sort of.

2006-05-10T10:53:00.000-04:00

This past Chol HaMoed, we were able to get tickets to an exciting event. We decided to book hotel rooms close by. There would be minyanim, separate swimming hours and loads of kids. We practically couldn't control our excitement. We decided that a surprise for the kids would be the best way to go just in case it didn't work out.The anonymous voice on the phone at the reservation desk seemed

Pesach #2

2006-04-27T10:39:00.000-04:00

The Pesach experience was a great improvement over last year. “Firsts” are always the hardest. The second year is sort of like redefining yourself as a person. The first year you are not even a person. You have no definition.We spent the first Seder by a family that we are close to who lost a child as well.There was a moment when we almost lost it, all of is. It felt like a long, intense moment.

'How is this night different? My son is no longer with me'

2006-04-12T12:39:00.000-04:00

Article from jPOSTclick below:'How is this night different? My son is no longer with me' By Matthew Wagner

1st year Anniversary

2006-04-09T11:18:00.000-04:00

Today is the 1 year Anniversary of this blog.My first post was: Moving On This is my first blog test. I hope to share thoughts and ideas of my own or that I have learned from others. I hope that these ideas will have meaning and will benefit others.Not sure if I reached any of my goals. On one hand we have come so far. On the other hand the feeling of loss is

A 19yr girl

2006-04-06T14:42:00.000-04:00

A 19yr girl from my community passed away today. She caught the flu while in Israel prior to returning home for Pesach. After her arrival in the US, she went to a doctor caught influenza and a staff infection. I will go to the shiva house. Once again, I need to look upon the faces of the parents, devastated and in shock. For the first 15 minutes, I struggle to find the words to say. Shouldn’t I

Throwing it all away

2006-03-28T22:23:00.000-05:00

There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs especially when we are moving in a particularly positive direction in life. It seems that just when we are doing our best, at great self sacrifice, an obstacle is placed in our way which potentially brings us to a sudden halt. I have seen this happen, for example, when a baal teshuva has given up his whole life for the sake of torah and yiddishkeit.

article on dealing with loss

2006-03-27T13:54:00.000-05:00

Here are a few "interesting" articles following the loss of a child.Nothing feels rightThe burden of guilt

out of control

2006-03-21T22:45:00.000-05:00

When Nechama was sick, I made 2 trips to Eretz Yisroel to beseech the gedolim to pray for Nechama and perhaps get a blessing for her recovery.I did not leave empty handed. each trip consisted of 18 hours of shuttling between gedolim and several experiences made a lasting impression(Perhaps it is fodder for a subsequent post). One gadol in particular recommended a few different steps , of a

Peacemaker

2006-03-05T21:23:00.000-05:00

I have mentioned on many occasions the feeling of appreciation whenever someone shares a story or picture with us about Nechama Liba A”H. We were fortunate enough to hear a new story and in the process learn something new about Nechama. A family friend confided in us that they were having difficulty with her daughter. Whenever there is a argument in the house, the 13 year old descended to the

Letter to Parents of sick child

2006-03-05T21:15:00.000-05:00

There is a family that I met recently whose child was quite ill due to a severe virus.The child went through a lot and baruch hashem recovered. Based upon conversations that I had with the family over the 2 month period, I intended to write the following letter. The family was truly brave and had a lot of emunah. The mother spoke of the fact that she was always “guarded” and I sensed that she

Letter to bereaved Parent #3

2006-02-28T10:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. & Mrs., I have spent a lot of time thinking and contemplating what to say to you. Trying to find the right words of comfort. Hamakom y'nachem etchem b'toch sh'ar availai tziyon vYerushalayim. Only Hashem can provide true nechama. The loss of a child leaves a void that will never be filled. Time does not diminish nor take away the longing for your child. Many people look for a vort

Guiding Light in my life

2006-02-19T22:42:00.000-05:00

Based upon the request of someone, I compiled all of the posts from this blog into a word document. I categorized them as best I could and corrected a spelling mistake here or there. As I look through the introduction, I noticed how much had changed. The ages of my other children had moved up a notch. I was no longer at the same job or in the same industry. Also I noticed that it stated that “my

Vehicle for a Miracle

2006-02-13T13:58:00.000-05:00

On a frequent basis, I meet people who have sick children. Often, they are in critical situations. I am referring to the heart pounding, frightful and ever so fragile situations of having a child who is critically ill. We often hear the term" critical condition" or "stable but critical condition". As spectators, we hang on the word "stable" and assume all is ok. Without having experienced it, it

Dear Entertainer

2006-02-09T15:09:00.000-05:00

Dear , Firstly, I wanted to thank you for the concert that you performed during the event last week. Friends of mine, who had attended previous events where you played, had told me that the concert would be the highlight. To be honest I was skeptical. However, the Motzei Shabbos experience greatly exceeded any expectations. The atmosphere that you created was so bSimcha and

Don't be afraid part 2

2006-02-06T18:25:00.000-05:00

My previous post might have been too far reaching or “painted with broad brush”. I received one email from close friends apologizing for not mentioning Nechama’s name during a brief encounter some time ago. Not every situation or meeting is appropriate for discussing the deceased child. The point is not to be afraid to talk about the child that has past. If you have a story to share or a picture,

Massive Brochos Campaign

2006-01-31T20:38:00.000-05:00

Close friends of ours introduced a Brochos campaign throughout the Five Towns and Far Rockaway. All of the boys and girls schools in the % towns and Far Rockaway are participating. The purpose of the campaign to is to encourage people to make brochos out loud so that other can say amen with a minimum of 5 said out loud per day. Prizes are given to qualifying students. Dovid HaMelech instituted

Cute picture

2006-01-26T13:40:00.000-05:00

Letter to Editor

2006-01-23T16:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Gordon,I am a frequent reader of your publication over the last few years. Your newspaper has filled a long standing void. The Five Towns Jewish Times is significant in that it shares information that is important to the orthodox community in the Five Towns and Far Rockaway. In addition it supports local businesses by providing the opportunity to advertise to potential local customers.

Vote

2006-01-17T19:00:00.000-05:00

If you feel compelled to do so, you can vote for “Best Personal Blog” athttp://info.jpost.com/C005/BlogCentral/JIB.2005/vote.personal.htmlThis blog is just one of the choices.

I am Yosef, your brother

2006-01-15T10:24:00.000-05:00

My writing has suffered the most over the last few weeks giving way to kiddush preparations, preparing the house for the new baby, and of course starting a new job.B"H, my mother-in-law is staying with us, so the baby and wife are in good hands.After consulting a Rav in Eretz Yisroel, we named the baby Menucha Liba. Interesting that the name Menucha fell into our heads. It was only after we sort

Its a girl

2006-01-04T23:48:00.000-05:00

With deepest thanks to Hashem, my wife gave birth to a baby girl. We will name her on Shabbos.May we only share in simchas.

Suffering Part 2

2006-01-02T11:51:00.000-05:00

I have been struggling with the concept of suffering for many years, even before Nechama Liba got sick. Even in the case of a bereaved parent where pain never goes away, perhaps whether or not to wallow in grief is a choice that we all have.I guess it might be more appropriate to say that "whether to allow the suffering to control my life is a choice".Perhaps, I could be accused of being engaged

Great Article on Coping with Loss

2005-12-28T10:26:00.000-05:00

This is a moving article and gives a lot of insight into suffering and loss.http://www.aish.com/spirituality/odysseys/Suffering_and_Consolation_A_Fathers_Perspective.asp

Cannot be Fixed Completely

2005-12-25T04:26:00.000-05:00

I recently encountered a number of people, none of whom were bereaved, where discussions led to the topic of the heart and mind as they pertain to bereaved parents. Many of them were highly intelligent people. After some of these relatively brief informal discussions, I left feeling uneasy. Some spoke of the great need to talk about Hashkafa topics as a means of comforting bereaved parents. I

Mind vs. heart

2005-12-21T11:16:00.000-05:00

My wife found this on the web. I thought it expressed the issue of mind and heart very well.TWO AGENDASPeople approach the topic of suffering from two separate perspectives. One is the "intellectual agenda:" A person is bothered by this issue and wants to intellectually understand it. The other is the "emotional agenda:" A person may right now be suffering (or know someone who is suffering), and

Simchas haChaim

2005-12-19T09:51:00.000-05:00

See original comment below this one.Dear Asher, Of course I remember you and I appreciate your kind words. It gives my wife and I immeasurable nachas to know that people continue to gain chizuk from Nechama. She was far greater in person than we could possibly describe on paper.The thing that amazes me most, to this day, is that we truly never realized that she was aware that her condition was

Class Reunion (Fictional)

2005-12-14T17:55:00.000-05:00

As a Baal Teshuvah of almost 20 years, I often think of what my old classmates were up to. After 11th grade, I left public high school to join an all boys, black hat yeshiva. Sometimes I dream about going to a class reunion from my old public high school. I imagine dressing up in my finest clothes, getting a car wash and buying a new dress and a new sheital for my wife. I would pack my wallet

Approaches To Grief

2005-12-12T10:40:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, we met a bereaved couple from Brooklyn. This young boy of a few years old was born to the same parents. He had a fever. Everyday stuff. They gave him some medicine before both parents kissed him good night. He passed away in his crib during the night. Although they were parents to the same child and probably shared the same views on parenting, their approaches to grief were

Speech by Hakamas HaMatzeivah

2005-12-07T12:30:00.000-05:00

Just found this from the Hakamas HaMatzievah from over a year ago.The group is small and personal so I feel comfortable saying a few short words of a personal nature. Being in Israel is a strange experience for me. Each step is a reenactment of the efforts that we took upon Nechama’s behalf over the past year and a half during my trips. Our families and friends went

amazing chesed

2005-12-05T12:42:00.000-05:00

We’ve all been to Simchas for both for families and friends. And we’ve all hosted our own Simchas for one occasion or another. There is always lots of food and entertainment. The first thing you do is scope out the scene. See what there is to eat, mingle with a few friends and acquaintances. Inevitably, you start to look for the Baal Simcha. He might be the father of the choson or kallah or the

Song written by Nechama

2005-12-05T12:19:00.000-05:00

Song written by Nechama Holman (age 8)As I go to sleep I say Shema with Kavanna in my eyesI fall asleep with a malach by my sideI have a happy smile on my face asI have sweet dreams from Hashem who loves me so

Another Couple

2005-12-01T20:55:00.000-05:00

Years ago, we were on one of our typical “extended visits" to Columbia. Most likely it was due to a line infection. We spent Shabbos there often. There was a Chassidishe couple there. We ate the Shabbos Seuda together and passed the time with some light talk. We shared stories describing the difficulty situations which, we as parents, are forced to undergo when you have a sick child. Shabbos was

"Remembering" Poem

2005-11-28T12:43:00.000-05:00

Another Poem I found. It speaks to some of the things which I have written about.Go ahead and mention my child,The one that died, you know.Don't worry about hurting me further.The depth of my pain doesn't show.Don't worry about making me cry,I am already crying inside.Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide.I am hurt when you just keep silent,Pretending he did not exist.I'd

Growing Old

2005-11-23T11:59:00.000-05:00

"Rabbi Shimon ben Akashya says that elderly people who are ignorant of Torah become more disoriented as they age. But elderly Torah scholars are not so. On the contrary – as they grow older, their minds become more and more stable..." (mishna at the very end of Tractate Kinim). Why is that so? A person who is “immersed” in this world and enjoys “everything” that this world has to offer is at the

Shabbos After Kevura

2005-11-20T21:17:00.000-05:00

I first met them on Thursday; A young Chassdishe couple sitting side by side saying Tehillim in the waiting area. They had just brought their infant child into the ICU. The child needed surgery to correct a heart condition common in children with Down syndrome. My cell phone battery had run out and I was expecting a call from Nechama's doctor. Not wanting to leave Nechama’s bedside, I asked them

Poem "Dear Daddy"

2005-11-16T12:39:00.000-05:00

I found the poem below on the internet. I can relate to this on an emotional level not neccessarily on an intellectualor spiritual one.(Not sure that they have candy in the Olam of Neshamas.)But is definitly touched my heart.Dear Daddy,I know today is Father's DayAnd you miss me really bad,But if you could see what I see,You wouldn't be so dad.I have all kinds of playmatesAnd playgrounds

Going through her stuff

2005-11-13T20:28:00.000-05:00

There comes a time in the cycle of bereavement when every bereaved parent's has to go through their child's stuff. There is a lot of discussion about what to do with their stuff but I do not intend to address that now. I mean the time to go through their journals, pictures, school projects, clothes or homework. It is an unnerving feeling as you open letters & read diaries marked as "private” or "

A Child Loaned

2005-11-09T10:45:00.000-05:00

This is a poem that someone gave to me. I also know someone who created a collage with pictures of their child with this poem as the background.A Child LoanedI'll lend you for a little timea child of mine," He said,"for you to love the whole while he lives.It may be six or seven yearsor twenty-two or three,but will you, till I call him back,take care of him for me?""He'll bring his charm to

Tips for Nichum Aveilim

2005-11-06T11:45:00.000-05:00

This was produced by University of Cincinnati Psychological Services Center.When helping people who grieve, it is important that you do NOT… · Withdraw from the survivor, removing your support. · Suggest positive outcomes from the loss. · Mention that the death could have been prevented in some way (e.g., If only….). · Rationalize positive aspects the death. · Compare the survivor’s

Purim Picture

2005-11-02T00:24:00.000-05:00

This is a picture from purim. The picture speaks for itself

"Yosef My Son"

2005-10-30T11:53:00.000-05:00

There is a song written by Moshe Yess about a child during the 1940's in Germany.The Nazis come and take his parents away. Although he is just young boy of 9 ,he manages to run away. He emigrates to Israel after the war.For decades, he believes his parents to be dead. One day,he is praying at the Kosel and hears a familiar voice praying next to him."That voice,that's my father's voice."They are

Suffering

2005-10-27T11:23:00.000-04:00

The theme of rachamim is one of the most prevalent themes in Jewish text. How many times do we ascribe the trait of mercy, rachamim to Hashem? We affectionately refer to G-d as “Avinu”, our father, during fasts and the days of awe between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. We repeat over and over the 13 middos of Mercy. Hashem, Hashem, kal rachum vchanun erech apyim,rav chesed vemes nosayavon etc..–

Siblings

2005-10-21T10:30:00.000-04:00

As a bereaved parent, we always worry about the effect that the death of a child will have on the other siblings. Sometimes, we worry that they are too affected. Sometimes we worry that they are not affected enough. Then there is the fear that they will forget their sibling. Of course, I can only imagine the concern that people have when a new child is born. The struggle knowing that this new

Be Brave

2005-10-17T12:29:00.000-04:00

Several weeks ago, Yeshiva Shor Yoshuv sent out a letter that we wrote along with a cd of the shloshim speeches. Yesterday, while doing the usual erev Sukkos shopping, I was lucky enough to meet a good friend that I hadn’t seen in a while. I could tell that he was nervous but he was brave enough to tell me how inspired he and his wife felt from the cd. As he turned to walk away, he said” Your

Yom Kippur

2005-10-14T12:02:00.000-04:00

Yom Kippur is clearly a difficult day for everyone. For a bereaved parent especially, the awesomeness of the day and the realization of what is at stake only increases the intensity. Unesaneh Tokef strikes at the heart of the significance of the day. I could not help but relive the previous Yom Hakippurim where we pleaded with Hashem to heal our daughter. In his great wisdom, in which we have no

Piece of Cake

2005-10-09T11:14:00.000-04:00

I recently received this via email. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.Gmar Tov![Starts Here] Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation!A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile, her Mother

Letter to a Parent #2

2005-10-06T12:11:00.000-04:00

Dear______, I can truly feel your pain. Like you, my daughter Nechama Liba meant the world to me. The pain when thinking about her is overwhelming. It is total in its force and presence. I appreciated this past weekend very much and somehow it lifted, in some way, a burden from my shoulders. I feel for those who were in our group and hope and pray that they will have success.I am concerned for

ICU- the real test

2005-10-03T10:56:00.000-04:00

Recently, I went to visit a cousin of a friend of mine. He was on a respirator in the ICU. He was a young father and seriously ill with the machla. I have never been uncomfortable around the hospital setting. Not before nor during nor after Nechama Liba's illness. I walked over to the room and saw a familiar sight, tragically familiar. The IV, respirator, ET tubes, pumps, and monitors were all

ER Visit

2005-09-28T12:15:00.000-04:00

My middle son cut his knee recently. He is almost 6 years and he was very brave. The pediatrician said that it was a pretty bad cut and would need stitches. My wife rushed him to the ER. I was at work at the time. I rushed to the ER from work to meet them there. Thanks to a close friend who worked at the hospital, we were seen right away. It was a deep cut but after all we have been through, it

Retreat Part 2 (2005)

2005-09-25T17:00:00.000-04:00

Friday Night davening is an interesting experience. It consists of 40% intense tefilah. The other 60% consists of about 30 individuals, from all walks of life, looking around the room trying to absorb the fact that basically everyone else in this room is a bereaved parent. Almost everyone you see has been through a similar experience that you have. Everyone that you see shares the tragedy that

Chai Lifeline Bereavement Retreat Part 1

2005-09-21T14:50:00.000-04:00

Chai Lifeline’s annual Bereavement Retreat was held this past Shabbos in Camp Simcha. I will attempt to give an insiders view of the experience. The invitation to the retreat is limited to those from the exclusive club of Bereaved Parents. There are a total of 4 groups. Firstly, the group sessions are divided by gender. The groups are divided again. One group consists of bereaved parents of

2005-09-20T20:52:00.000-04:00

Sweet picture

Funeral Experience

2005-09-19T12:08:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was the Chai Lifeline retreat for Bereaved parents. The highlight of the weekend is a speech given by Dr. Norman Blumenthal. I was honored that he read verbatim from the piece below that I wrote a little while ago. It describes my experience at the funeral of a daughter of a dear friend. It was his third child that passed away due to a genetic disease.As they brought out the

Rosh Hashanah

2005-09-14T10:15:00.000-04:00

One can't help but feel uncomfortable during many parts of the Rosh Hashanah davening. I am not simply referring to the parts of davening that describe our existence as a fleeting cloud or dust in the wind. Nor of those that install fear in each of us as do the prayers that discuss the various tragic deaths that one might face. These certainly cause anxiety-like feelings and vivid images that

Chani Liora Rosenfield

2005-09-11T15:47:00.000-04:00

You can read Daniel Rosenfield's "speech" at Chani Liora Rosenfield's hakamat HaMatzeiva last June. She was a very young girl who died of cancer last June.it is powerful and sure to touch you. It provides a clear insight into the perspective of what it feels like to be a bereaved parent. You can read it at: Hakamat Matzeiva

Bnos Bais Yaacov Newsletter

2005-09-07T10:55:00.000-04:00

Bnos Bais Yaakov Newsletter Above is the BBY newsletter sent last February before the annual dinner.There is a letter about Nechama in addition to a copy of the article from the Olemeinu titled "A little letter goes a long way", which contained Nechama's letter of Chizuk to Rabbi Stein.There is also an article with some information regarding the hall named for Nechama Liba A"H. The story below is

Hasgacha Pratis

2005-09-04T22:41:00.000-04:00

Once while we were in the PICU, there was a Spanish speaking family in the bed next to us. There was nothing particularly outstanding about them. The patient was a newborn baby. The mother ,aunt and grandmother took turns hovering over the child. After a day, I noticed that a man with a yarmulke was visiting the baby. Somehow we started talking. He was the father of the baby girl. His wife,

The kever

2005-08-31T11:55:00.000-04:00

Thankfully, the "Chevra" fixed the bottom of the Kever. The bottom of the kever was "naked" cement without any stone in contrast to the rest of the kever. For some untold reason, not having the kever as "finished" left me with an empty void. Having it fixed allowed me to feel as if I was doing something to be mechabayd Nechama. As a father, one of the most difficult aspects of being a bereaved

A glimpse of the real Nechama

2005-08-29T13:31:00.000-04:00

Just got back. I missed all of you.Someone wrote to me that I should write about Nechama. After I pointed out a specific post which describes Nechama, He said "i have read every painful and beautiful post you wrote now,what i meant was something about HER not her pain or illness HER."Let me help you get to know the real Nechama. She was almost always happy even as a young baby. She had a

zeraim siyum speech

2005-08-24T16:02:00.000-04:00

The 18th of Av was the Yartzheit. I am in Israel so the blogging is difficult at best. Here is a draft of the speech which I gave at the Yartzheit Seuda here is Israel. I will post more about the Yartzheit and my Israel soon.I made a siyum on Zeraim and friends learnt the other 5 sedarim.Zeraim is interesting. Seemingly it has little practical application. Not only do I live in chutz laharetz but

Levaya Speech - Glen Holman

2005-08-17T10:01:00.000-04:00

Yartzheit is next Tuesday.This is the loose draft of the hesped that I gave at the levaya at JFK:Nechama was born 11 years ago next week. She was special from birth.Somehow she inspired people. She had a special charm that was like a magnet.She lived with this disease for 6 years and never complained.She always had a smile on her face. Every nurse or doctor who she ever met remembered her even

Tisha B'Av 05

2005-08-14T14:40:00.000-04:00

Tisha B'Av has a tremendous power. It has the ability to leap us forward toward teshuva or “spiral us” into depression with never ending questions of “When the suffering will end?” Last Tisha B'Av, my Rebbi spent the day with me in the hospital. We learned Eyov together. It was becoming increasing apparent that our only glimmer of hope was to take Nechama to Pittsburgh for a transplant. While,

Speech at Siyum

2005-08-10T23:02:00.000-04:00

This is the speech that was given at a siyum which my 10yr son and I made in memory of Nechama.Over the last year, I’ve had multiple opportunities to speak about Nechama in a variety of forums. However, in many ways and on many levels, this is perhaps the most difficult. Today's gathering consists of a small, intimate group of some of our closest friends and family. My words today are intended

Second Letter to the Community

2005-08-07T21:57:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow, August 8th, is Nechama's english birthday. I am trying to convince myself that it is not significant, but no success yet. Instead of bat Mitzah preparations we are working on the Yarzheit seudah.The following is a letter that was recently sent out to the Far Rockaway community along with an audio cd of the sloshim from last year: With the summer afoot and the Yartzheit rapidly

2005-08-05T12:07:00.000-04:00

Today is the 1st year English "anniversary" of Nechama's passing. A picture is worth a thousand words. If Nechama can smile like she does in this picture not knowing when her last day would be, can't we?May Hashem give us strength and courage.

Postcard

2005-08-03T06:30:00.000-04:00

Soon after Nechama Liba's letter was published in the Olemeinu, we received an anonymous post card in the mail back in December 2004.It reads:Dear Mr. and Mrs. Holman,I hope all is well with your family. There is something that I would like to share with you even though you don't really know me. My name is **** and I’m in the midst of a huge crisis. All i do is cry, cry, cry and ready every day,

Letter to Rabbi Stein

2005-07-31T01:50:00.000-04:00

The following is a letter which Nechama sent to Rabbi Stein when she was 9. Rabbi Stein was a posek who was very close to our family who was sick with cancer. He passed away over a year ago. When they were both alive, Nechama undertook to write a letter of chizuk to Rabbi Stein on how to be bSimcha and have emunah when you are sick. At the time, we considered this just an innocent expression of

More than a Cute Story

2005-07-28T16:20:00.000-04:00

Below is a cute story but speaks to the courage that Nechama possessed regardless of the situation. On one trip to the emergency room after being triaged, the nurse said “I am sorry but we have to draw some blood". Nechama looked up in her frail state and without missing a beat; she said “I forgot my crayons. I'll need crayons to draw some blood. Get it?"

Ateres Nechama Liba Simcha Hall

2005-07-26T15:33:00.000-04:00

The idea to name the Simcha Hall for Nechama Liba was the brain child of Rabbi Hiller (dean of Bnos Bais Yaakov where Nechama attended school a.k.a BBY) and 3 women in the community that were close to Nechama and our family. They made a tremdous effort to raise money and still continue to do so to meet their goal. It is a befitting and everlasting memorial to Nechama and a tremendous source of

Glen's Shloshim Speech

2005-07-24T22:34:00.000-04:00

Power of Choice As the father of the deceased, it is my obligation to speak. Otherwise I would not be worthy of speaking about her, Nechama Liba Alay Hashalom. As I stand before you, our friends, and family, rabbis and community at large, I am forced to consider the impact of efforts that were expended on behalf of Nechama and our family. I won't

AUDIO FILES

2005-07-20T10:58:00.000-04:00

Special thanks to friends at 613.org.Audio files are available:Hespedim for Nechama Liba Holman A"H August 2004:Glen Holman Hesped (Father of nifteres & blog author)Rabbi Hiller Hesped (Dean Of BBY)Rabbi Naftoli Jaeger Hesped (Rosh HaYeshiva of Yeshiva Shor Yoshuv)Shloshim for Nechama Liba Holman A"H August 2004:By Glen HolmanBy Rabbi Naftoli JaegerBy Dr. Zev Carrey

Part 8 That Day

2005-07-18T09:51:00.000-04:00

My brother in-law had spent the last 5 weeks in the hospital with us. Considering that things looked stable and the fact that he hadn't left the hospital for over a month, he chose to spend the weekend back in Miami. Things were looking good the night before. When I awoke, we noticed that the situation has declined since the previous night. I slept in the room overnight but the nurses seemed in

Part 7 Beginning of the end

2005-07-14T10:51:00.000-04:00

Towards the end of Shabbos, I got a phone call from Nechama's Cardiologist.She asked me how Nechama was doing. I explained to her that things were going well and that according to the 2-day rule, since there was no reoccurrence that we were pleased.In addition, we were having a great time. Then I asked her " I know this may sound like a stupid question being that we are in ICU and Nechama still

Picture of Nechama

2005-07-13T09:25:00.000-04:00

pciture

Part 6 At the hospital

2005-07-11T11:09:00.000-04:00

We spent the next few days at the hospital in the ICU. Things were relatively smooth. Elana came to spend time with Nechama. The theory was that as long as the episode did not reoccur within 2 days, then it would probably not reoccur. Ilana spent Shabbos with Nechama and I. Saguite stayed home with the other kids. It was one of the most memorable and enjoyable Shabbasim that I can remember. We

Part 5 Arrival at the hospital

2005-07-06T11:41:00.000-04:00

As soon as I got home, I packed quickly and sped off to the hospital. I was horrified at the idea of Nechama getting to the hospital before me. I have never driven so fast and with such disregard for basic traffic laws. Columbia Presbyterian is about 45 minutes from my house. Unfortunately, the Van Wyck was in the middle of their ingenious multi-billion dollar plan to build an air train and all

Part 4 Camp Simcha Special 2004

2005-07-03T00:04:00.000-04:00

The next morning, I drove to work from the mountains. After work, against my better judgment, I drove home instead of following my usual custom of going to sleep near camp. About 2/3rds of the way home, I got a call from Nechama's counselor, saying that she had fever and refused to go to the infirmary. I guess Nechama inherited, a suspicious eye for doctors from her parents. Nechama's medical

Part 3.1 Last Picture (see Part 3 below)

2005-06-29T01:58:00.000-04:00

This is our last picture of Nechama. It was right before she went off to Camp (see Part 3 below):

Part 3: Days before camp

2005-06-26T17:55:00.000-04:00

Our initial departure to camp was delayed for 2 days. Doctor's orders. In the meantime, I had taught my new trick to Nechama. We went to the drug store , bought an ace bandage, tied it to her leg and went home. When we walked in, Saguite didn't notice anything different. She knew something was up because Nechama and I were hysterical laughing. Finally Nechama starting waving her hands in the air.

Part 2 Plane Ride Home

2005-06-22T00:02:00.000-04:00

I was careful to be on time for my flight home since I knew I would be taking Nechama straight to camp as soon as I arrived. Somehow I had dropped my cell phone so I was feeling a bit naked. I, for one, loathe flying. With that in mind, as soon as I boarded the plane, I quickly administered myself some "drug induced assistance" so that I could sleep on the plane. In a moment…. lights out. Before

Part 1 The Conference

2005-06-17T00:00:00.000-04:00

In June of 2004, Pulmonary Hypertension Association held their biennial conference in Miami Florida. I made arrangments to attend along with my brother-in-law. We would spend Shabbos in a nearby hotel and walk to the conference. We hoped to find some bit of life saving information.My flight back to New York was to leave on Sunday morning at 10am. As soon as I arrived back home , I was supposed to

June 2004

2005-06-15T11:36:00.000-04:00

Recently, I discovered another one of Nechama's journals. In it is a calendar that she made for last June. She was counting the days to camp. In the near future, I will be posting a number of blog entries describing the events that led up to Nechama's final hospitilizationThe story says a lot about who Nechama was. Stay Tuned.

Shavuos

2005-06-12T17:44:00.000-04:00

With Shavuos rapidly approaching, it is incumbent on me to contrast this with my Pesach expecations. This is the first Shavuos without Nechama A"H. By definition, it is much less of a family holiday than Pesach. For those who stay up all night, the first night is somewhat rushed in order to get out to learning. The first day meal,awkward, at best, at 2pm is not your average seuda. The rest of Yom

Pain

2005-06-09T01:40:00.000-04:00

It is natural for a bereaved parents to find it difficult to be sympathetic to overly dramatic people. You would be amazed at the comments that we get. I remember talking to a friend once about Nechama A"H after she passed away. There was a pause in the conversation and I guess he wanted to try and relate. He said, " My car was stolen recently. I am really bent out of shape about it." There are

Positive Outlook on Life

2005-06-05T19:49:00.000-04:00

I did not write this but thought that it was worth printing:Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood andalways has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he wasdoing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"He was a natural motivator.If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employeehow to look on the

Hatzalah

2005-06-01T12:49:00.000-04:00

Recently, the hatzalah BBQ in our community was hosted at the Sands catering Hall in Long Beach. The dinner\BBQ was the epitome of Dinner Fund raisers. The food was in abundance. the speeches were short. They gave out awards to a select few. Each award took approx 1-2 minutes each. The message of the speeches were clear : "We save lives. We are volunteers. Our budget is audited by an independent

A must read

2005-05-29T23:41:00.000-04:00

This is a wonderful letter posted on Aish. I hope you are all as touched by this as I was.http://www.aish.com/jewishissues/jewishsociety/Goodbye3_Seri.asp