Wednesday, April 20, 2005


Pesach is only days away. I expect that it will be the hardest day yet excluding the funerals and burial. I have tried to push my thoughts and expectation regarding Pesach toward the farthest recesses of my mind until now. As the Pesach looms closer, the fear and grief get stronger. My wife can't understand why the Seder night is so difficult for me. Perhaps it is the same way why I can't see why pre-Pesach is so difficult for her.

Men and women mourn differently.

We just need to recognize that. Pesach is in the air. The days that had the most meaning

beforehand become the most painful days now.

BTW: If there is anyone out there listening, and wants to post a comment or 2, it would be appreciated. Or if there is any topic or aspect that I should focus on,please let me know.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey nice blog!

11:04 PM  
Blogger torontopearl said...

I learned about you and your blog through Robert Avrech's Seraphic Secret. My heart goes out to you and your family on the loss of Nechama Liba, z"l. Her name alone is quite lyrical and sounds comforting, as it should.

It is rather interesting to read blogs such as yours or Robert's; a frum POV, a male POV, and seeing your need to be expressive to an unseen public.

Your blog's chosen title, "Moving On," sounds rather positive in spite of what it represents. You are working through your pain, your grief, independently and with your family. Your loss will never be diminished in spite of the fact that your family's lives move on; yet, you keep the spark of your dear daughter's neshama alive through your words.

You asked if anyone should suggest a topic for you to focus on--excuse my bluntness, but I think DEFINITELY NOT! This is *your* space; *your* exercise in self-expression; you and you alone should be designing the road map you choose to take. The only thing I can think of that readers/listeners might want to know is what took Nechama Liba from your lives...

In spite of the difficulties -- emotional, mental and physical -- you have of observing a Shabbos or a Yom Tov or any day of the week without your daughter in your midst, I wish you and your family a Chag Kasher v'Sameach.

1:00 AM  
Anonymous Robert J. Avrech said...


Yes, Pesach is hard, but we will manage to get through it and then we will wonder: how did we manage?

Chag kasher v'sameach

Robert J. Avrech

8:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i read your thoughts/writing/musings with great interest. i lost a husband quite a number of years ago (yahrzeit is next month, will be 13 years), i was 40. i'm now happily remarried, yet his death was the pivotal point of my life. changed me forever. i still miss him though i love my current husband greatly and we're very happy together. nothing like death for changing your appreciation for what you have, your perspective on life, your views, relationship with Hashem.
One thought - you wrote in one of your postings about guilt. I spoke with a therapist after my husband passed away and at one time i told her i could take the sorrow, but the guilt was chewing me up. she said "guilt is part of grief". that comment didn't end my guilt but it made me realize that it's not unique to me or to my loss, but is simply a part of the guilt process. just as i had to endure sorrow i had to endure guilt.
another thing, you wrote about 'triggers'. how true, and they are endlessly with us. music is so evocative - i still cry when i hear certain melodies/songs. similar to 'triggers' are 'secondary losses', as they say in the professional grievement literature. it's the pain you experience whihc is the loss itself, but an outcome of it - for me it was things like not having anyone to learn with my boys, no one to put up our sukkah, etc, etc. etc.
my current husband thinks the subject of death interests me more than any other. i don't know if he's right, but the vastness somehow pulls at me, and as you write, it's not all bad. but it is so so all encompassing.

3:14 PM  

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My Goal is to post at least 2x per week on Sunday and Wednesday.