Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Throwing it all away

There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs especially when we are moving in a particularly positive direction in life. It seems that just when we are doing our best, at great self sacrifice, an obstacle is placed in our way which potentially brings us to a sudden halt. I have seen this happen, for example, when a baal teshuva has given up his whole life for the sake of torah and yiddishkeit. Yet a stumbling block or more accurately a brick wall is placed is his\her path. Lisa, a girl who is in her early twenties finds g-d one day and a year later discovers that her wardrobe of old is now tossed away; she has nothing in common with her former friends or extended relatives, she doesn't eat the same foods or read the same books. Lisa, now Aviva, is essentially a new person. Sometime later, Aviva starts going on shidduch dates and finally finds the "one". As the engagement moves towards inevitability, she gets a call from her future chasan (a.k.a the fiancé), telling her that he loves her too much to marry her.(what a guy, what a guy) The engagement that never was, is never going to be. What goes through her mind? I imagine something like this "Here i am throwing away my whole life to become frum and what does g-d do? No encouragement. No flowers. Not even a winning lottery ticket. Maybe g-d doesn't want me to become frum?" And the questions and doubts continue to flow from there on in. We all know the routine. The doubts. Wallowing in self pity. Yet how do we know what's right? How are we supposed to know the signs? How do we read between the lines? Maybe this is the anchor that we have been asking for. The message could not be clearer, "Give up!” I can only assume that every one of us has experienced something similar. In truth, the message is too blurry too read. Trying to examine events and truly decipher what is needed of us is beyond human ability. It would be purely speculative. Hashem gave us a blueprint to life to follow. The Torah is our guide. We cannot expect to understand what G-d wants and expects from us simply by examining the millions of experiences that we go through. Everything will be clear, but not in this world. So , recognize that these stumbling blocks or brick walls or whatever they are, for what they are. They are challenges of all shapes and sizes. Some are big and some are small; some are round and some are square. All that is expected of us is to do our best. Hashem has already told us what he wants; we just have to believe it. The yetzer harah neither sleeps nor slumbers. With syata dshmyah, we will break down these walls. Apart from that all we can do is pray that Moschiach will come soon.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is an entry I know I will come back to read over and over again everytime I want to give up. This speaks to everyone even someone (like me) who is FFB.

Thank you for your clarity.

10:43 AM  

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